do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
