so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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