Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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