You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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