why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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