you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
