I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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