well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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