i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
