your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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