we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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