You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
