I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
