Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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