so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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