We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
