what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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