Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
