I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
