I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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