got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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