Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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