Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
