So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
