proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I die, sorry about rent.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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