I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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