sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
