sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
