I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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