guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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