but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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