i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
