I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
