hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
