Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
