2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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