he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
