wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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