I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
