Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
