Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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