Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
