I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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