Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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