do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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