kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
