I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
