Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
