he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
