And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we're making bets on your personal life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
