I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
