hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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