this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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