Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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