there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
