im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I AM VODKA MAN
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
