Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can I color on your dick again?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
