I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
In America we eat man semen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
