Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
